It's weird. i've left xanga for so long now and well, all the hype about having a new blog to blog in with privacy just died. Also, seeing how the privacy makes me feel a whole lot more anti social now that not many people actually knows about this blog... it's so annoying how i always want something i cant have and when i do somehow miraculously get it, i dont want it anymore :(
well.. another example is to how i compliant non stop about me myself and i being antisocial. but yet i keep on turning down all the gathering yumcha and going out invites. wtheck is wrong with me?! O_O .. i really am begining to feel weird in my own skin. sigh. it's like i really do have that thought and really want to put effor into doing things with passion and all.. but the moment i start or even think of starting all that hype and adrenaline rush just dies...
ahhh!!
i really want to laugh so much like i really mean it. dont get me wrong, i laugh as much as possible and it's really easy. But how many of those times does the smile i plaster on my face is actually real? all that crap about how "my eyes show my try smiles" or "i smile with my eyes" is just crap -_- cause i dont think i've actually been very happy these days. I think sadness grows with age :/
Speaking of age. I know, it's still kinda far but i literally have no plans for my 21st birthday :x at the rate that im going i'd prolly be spending it alone at home ... watching some sappy chinese drama/anime that will make me cry my eyes out and feel even more emotional -_-" ridiculous.
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Another 2 weeks (less actually) and it'll be the holidays already, and honestly... i dont know what am i going to do :( everyone's asking me if im gonna work or go on holiday or do something but im all like "ohh yeahh im just gonna rest first" bullshit. i have no plans on it thats why -_- whatever happened to me. when i was younger i always filld myself with things to do. definitely no school work but it's always going out or working freelancing or just doing more active things. heck! i even did sports. now all i do is sit home in front of the computer typing away on my blog grumbling about my life -_- it's is a big change isnt it.
And everytime i do this i think and tell myself i want to change, im going to change, i must change! and then you see me repeating a somewhat similar entry about me feeling lous about myself -_- what is wrong with me?! really ... bah!
Afater all this thoughts i've yet to even start on my work. i remember saying ONE day, one day to rest. and it's now the THIRD day or doing meaningless nothings -_- this is getting from worse to... much much worse? bah.
Saturday, April 18, 2009
grumblings
ahhhhhh!!!
Supposed to have started on the model today T_T *cries* instead what i did was drama-ed. the whole friggin day ..... oh my God.
How to finish the model lahhhhh. I dont even have enough supplies. and tomorrow's a saturday! Classic Art is closed ><" boohoo. i guess i'll just have to make do. *lalala mode*
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hmmm. it's the 17th of April today. My four months break officially starts on May 1st. i wonder... is the holiday trip still going to work out? :/ Also, that just leaves ... 13 days left O_O OMFG. it's happening so fast. Dear kamizama please, let me pass year ONE. pleeeeaseee.
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I cannot imagine failing, if i do i think im just gonna stop studying all together ><" ... *scary thoughts*
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Im tired enough for tonight. im hitting the bed now. toodles~
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some randome pictures before i run off to bed :p
Supposed to have started on the model today T_T *cries* instead what i did was drama-ed. the whole friggin day ..... oh my God.
How to finish the model lahhhhh. I dont even have enough supplies. and tomorrow's a saturday! Classic Art is closed ><" boohoo. i guess i'll just have to make do. *lalala mode*
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hmmm. it's the 17th of April today. My four months break officially starts on May 1st. i wonder... is the holiday trip still going to work out? :/ Also, that just leaves ... 13 days left O_O OMFG. it's happening so fast. Dear kamizama please, let me pass year ONE. pleeeeaseee.
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I cannot imagine failing, if i do i think im just gonna stop studying all together ><" ... *scary thoughts*
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Im tired enough for tonight. im hitting the bed now. toodles~
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some randome pictures before i run off to bed :p
Friday, April 17, 2009
lonely night twist
hehehe. was about to fall asleep. when i decided to browse thru some pictures. bear with me, im feeling lonely tonight! ;)
i cant believe he fell for me <3
heeeeeeeeee...
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on a random note, i have another reader! :D :D :D whee. a good night indeed :D
i cant believe he fell for me <3
heeeeeeeeee...
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on a random note, i have another reader! :D :D :D whee. a good night indeed :D
pieces
it's been a while...
sometimes im just so lazy to write my feelings asd thoughts down as they tend to change so constantly. boo.
Anyways. it's an offday for me. the boy is out of town. and i just handed in the development model which passed on to the final. so today is just an off day. did everything at my own will. i .. went.. to.. the gym. LOL. it's been a week since i've been there. ergh. i dont think im losing weight at all. i've been pigging out like mad. from fast food joints to home made fatness :( this all comes from living alone i guess :/ but still.... sigh. i feel a bit the hopeless at the moment :(
anyways, gym was packed today there were some new trainers *shiny winking eyes* there but the amount of college girls has shot up. haha..
There's this pair of girls they look exctly like sisters but well, by the way they talk you can tell they're just best friends. heee. and there's this vibe around them being so wannabe-ish. they gossip gossip and gossip waaay more that actually using the machines and stuff. but the moment any trainers approach them... hoho, their voice totally changes to some cutsey high pitched tone. bahhh. *eyes rolling*
Besides them, there's this girl. oh yeahhh this girl i dont know why she even bothers to come to the gym. she's new. brand new. on the first day she joined i was there. she was wearing a long flowy picnic like skirt, all dressed up indeed. just not for gym -.-" the next day, she came fully cladded with very little clothing. her "gym pants" were so micro mini her butt was showing and it looks squeezed out as the pants were tight. And you know those sports bras that you wear beneath shirts? i think she didnt understand that concept as she just wore it up front without covering up. -_-" you can imagine the guys staring. a girl coming to gym looking like she's wearing some kinky lingerie =.= .. astonishing. The next day she came. whaaa. i almost died laughing. it was a contrast to what she wore the day before. this time, she was fully covered up. Dressed in a wind breaker, the big type ones with baggy loose pants and some thight baby tee. real contrast. hmm. oh well.
my gym really lack hot chics. then again im kinda glad for that :p
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i see you happily flirting with her. i see you being happy with her. i dont mind .. really, i dont. im glad you finally found someone. someone that shows me you've moved on. someone to end our lingering past. but yet, why does that lead to you not being able to even look at me? i know our past isnt as sweet as candy flossings but still, we had our moments. are you just gonna let them go without looking back? sigh. our polonged silence and my stalking ways have gotten the best of be... im glad i dont think of you much no more. but sometimes on onely nights you stick out like a sore thumb in my blissful memories of the past... i really wish our fate would be different after those five long hard years of ups and downs.
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i miss my boy. am i weird? am i too clingy? :/ boo. i guess i am .. maybe it's in my nature to just cling on to the ones i love so dear. cling on so tight that they suffocate and hate me. heeeeeee... i wish i wasnt like that. i want to be mature. mature enough to know when to hold on and when to let go. i long to be independant. in ways that i am definitely not now.. i crave for something to fill this awkward void. i dont even know why it's there or what would fill it.. i just want to fill it up..
sometimes im just so lazy to write my feelings asd thoughts down as they tend to change so constantly. boo.
Anyways. it's an offday for me. the boy is out of town. and i just handed in the development model which passed on to the final. so today is just an off day. did everything at my own will. i .. went.. to.. the gym. LOL. it's been a week since i've been there. ergh. i dont think im losing weight at all. i've been pigging out like mad. from fast food joints to home made fatness :( this all comes from living alone i guess :/ but still.... sigh. i feel a bit the hopeless at the moment :(
anyways, gym was packed today there were some new trainers *shiny winking eyes* there but the amount of college girls has shot up. haha..
There's this pair of girls they look exctly like sisters but well, by the way they talk you can tell they're just best friends. heee. and there's this vibe around them being so wannabe-ish. they gossip gossip and gossip waaay more that actually using the machines and stuff. but the moment any trainers approach them... hoho, their voice totally changes to some cutsey high pitched tone. bahhh. *eyes rolling*
Besides them, there's this girl. oh yeahhh this girl i dont know why she even bothers to come to the gym. she's new. brand new. on the first day she joined i was there. she was wearing a long flowy picnic like skirt, all dressed up indeed. just not for gym -.-" the next day, she came fully cladded with very little clothing. her "gym pants" were so micro mini her butt was showing and it looks squeezed out as the pants were tight. And you know those sports bras that you wear beneath shirts? i think she didnt understand that concept as she just wore it up front without covering up. -_-" you can imagine the guys staring. a girl coming to gym looking like she's wearing some kinky lingerie =.= .. astonishing. The next day she came. whaaa. i almost died laughing. it was a contrast to what she wore the day before. this time, she was fully covered up. Dressed in a wind breaker, the big type ones with baggy loose pants and some thight baby tee. real contrast. hmm. oh well.
my gym really lack hot chics. then again im kinda glad for that :p
...
...
...
i see you happily flirting with her. i see you being happy with her. i dont mind .. really, i dont. im glad you finally found someone. someone that shows me you've moved on. someone to end our lingering past. but yet, why does that lead to you not being able to even look at me? i know our past isnt as sweet as candy flossings but still, we had our moments. are you just gonna let them go without looking back? sigh. our polonged silence and my stalking ways have gotten the best of be... im glad i dont think of you much no more. but sometimes on onely nights you stick out like a sore thumb in my blissful memories of the past... i really wish our fate would be different after those five long hard years of ups and downs.
...
...
...
i miss my boy. am i weird? am i too clingy? :/ boo. i guess i am .. maybe it's in my nature to just cling on to the ones i love so dear. cling on so tight that they suffocate and hate me. heeeeeee... i wish i wasnt like that. i want to be mature. mature enough to know when to hold on and when to let go. i long to be independant. in ways that i am definitely not now.. i crave for something to fill this awkward void. i dont even know why it's there or what would fill it.. i just want to fill it up..
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